Soul of an Artist

Laughter was the only thing that made sense. How fitting considering that everything was a mess. Or so it seemed. She had never felt so empty and full at the same time. Everything made sense and it still did not make sense. She was a stranger in her own body yet she had never felt more at home. It was terrifying yet empowering. Things had fallen apart but in that moment they had never felt so put together. It was like chaos and stillness decided to take residence in her body. War and peace. It was new yet old. She tried to taste it, tried to see or hear it but all she could do was feel it. The abudance and the lack. She wondered what it was. It was hungry yet quite fulfilling. There were no words to describe it, no sound, colour, shape or texture. A fleeting feeling. It invoked all her senses and none at all. Art was the only word she could think of. It raised many questions in her mind. Questions she didn't have answers to. She yearned for more. In the midst of the tears, laught...

She didn’t recognize the girl staring back at her in the mirror. It was like she was looking at a stranger. A stranger in her own body. She was different. She just woke up one day and felt different. She didn’t like who she had become. It didn’t sit right with her. She felt consumed by her existence. Voices, echos, whispers all talked to her from every corner. More like shouted. Telling her all sorts of things. Contradicting things. Lies. Everyday she felt like a new person doing the same old things. The mirror mirrored all of her actions. But it also reflected them. She was exhausted. She felt like running until her problems didn’t chase her anymore. She yelled them away but they just yelled back louder. The faster she ran the faster they caught up with her. There was no escape. No where to hide. No one in her corner. It was her against this monster. And it was eating her up. So she let it.

  Trauma stored in the throat often feels like a burning sensation            Does anyone else ever experience a random tightness in their throat? One moment you are fine the next you are massaging your neck looking for pain relievers trying to ease the ache. It often feels like there is an object that cannot dislodge no matter what you do. You cannot speak and clearing your throat does not ease the ache. Then suddenly, or slowly, it disappears. Does anyone else experience that, or is it just me? If so, I hate to break it to you but that is trauma stored in your body. Its so weird because we live with our traumas thinking that its a normal pain you just got used to that will eventually go away on its own. As human beings we have never realised how fragile we are. How trauma deeply affects us. That it lives on within us a day to day. Hidden in plain sight.           I used to think that the shaking I felt in my stomach was ...