They are all interconnected. Well, to me they are. The cycle starts anywhere. It takes any shape or form. For me, it started with oblivion. I was so oblivious to the things that were around me. It was quite peaceful. The most peaceful I had ever been. You know what they say, ignorance is bliss. I was happy, content. Until I wasn't. I couldn't tell what came next. All I knew was it disrupted my peace. Shook up my world and now it wasn't as peaceful anymore. It started small, slowly growing. I thought I could ignore it, supress it, but it wasn't having any of that. It wanted to be heard, to be seen and to make some noise. Where did it come from, nobody knew. But it was here with us. And it didn't look like it was leaving any time soon.
Then came the void. This was the worst part. Feeling empty. Feeling nothing. Apathy, but not the good kind. The kind that eats you up from the inside out. That tears you down brick by brick. Slowly. Chip by chip. The only sound that can be heard is the tick of the clock. Tick tock, tick tock. It never ends. Driving you closer and closer to insanity. And all you can think is, make it stop. Then the bell chimes. Indicating it's time. Then, the cycle begins again. It is like a bottomless pit. Chipping away at your soul. This is usually, more often than not, the longest stage. Or maybe, that's what it feels like. It carries a lot of helplessness and hopelessness. When it ends, it brings a lot of relief.
That is until, chaos decides to make an appearance. Now this, this is just noise. It consits of unpredictabilty, cofusion and disorder. It's much better than void. It can be exciting but turns sour really fast. The noise makes your ears bleed and the chaos makes you want to gorge your eyes out. The rollercoaster makes you want to puke. The highs are high but the lows are even lower. One day it's sadness, the next anger, happiness can pop in now and again but mostly, it's confusion, uncertainity, anxiety and then panic. This is the most explosive stage. It's a minefield. One wrong move and, it's over.
Darkness. It's always darkest before dawn. You've gone through the motions, now it's quiet. No sound, no light, no stimulation, just peace. This is the most uncertain of them all. It's the womb stage. No progress. It's a stage of nothingness. It also take a while before growth or fruition is seen. But just because nothing is being seen doesn't mean nothing is happening. The darkness becomes darker, maybe colder. It's like a blanket of fog just hovering. Eventually, the fog clears, the darkness lights up and in comes the re-birth.
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