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Some Introspection from me to you




Photo Credit- Tharawat Magazine

I know, I know, It's been crickets in here. Don't come for me. I missed this. I created this blog as a form or means to escape from my reality but my reality kept calling me back. It's good to be back though. Life has been lifing recently and my creativity had to be channeled to a different area of my life. So I had none left for my blog. In the past few months, my life has changed tremendously. It's been fun, different, new, scary, exciting, and messy to say the least. In the midst of this mess, I made a huge blunder that made me feel like others looked at me differently. Turns out I was the one who was looking at myself differently and I started projecting those feelings onto other people. I felt like my image was tarnished because of this blunder especially since it was a new sector of my life. It got me thinking though. About my perfectionism, my fear of failure, and how I define myself by my failures. I put myself through this magnifying glass to ensure every tiny bit of my life is perfect. I brush off my achievements and successes but magnify my failures. I've curated my personal life and mind in a way that my failures reflect who I am and my successes do not. It's like when I fail that is my real self but when I succeed that's not me. When I succeed I'm a fraud. Can society please normalize failure the way they've ingrained in us that success should be normal? That we should be failing often the way they expect us to be moving mountains and conquering milestones on a daily. It's the shame of failing publicly and winning loudly that has had me in a chokehold. The fear of being judged for struggling. For not being instantly good at something. I hate being a beginner because no one appreciates the not-so-pretty process. It's like I should be perfect even in my growing pains. I should make it look easy. But maybe that's just me projecting my innermost thoughts and fears onto society. When I finally faced my fear and opened up to some of my friends I realized I was just in my head. They normalized my failure and assured me that I was on the right track. That my successes do in fact matter. That they even forgot about it and here I was reminding them. If my failures do define who I am then my successes should matter just as much if not more. But that's not who I am. And that's not the way I want to live my life. My successes and failures do not define who I am or my worth. They are just things I do. They are just part of my human experience. And both are equally important. They aid in my growth. But they are not me. And they are not you either. 

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