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2024 Broke Me.

 

Photo Credit- Pixels

Whooh! I'm scared even beginning to write this. 2024 was the absolute ghetto. I think most people would agree. So many things happened and as human beings, once we move on from tragedy, we tend to forget it happened. We started the year with the femicide cases, to Katt Williams interview that broke the internet, to the devastating floods that cost many their homes, lives and loved ones, to maandamano and rejecting the finance bill, to invading Parliament, a proud historic moment for Gen Zs to the Gen Zs who died while protesting, the women who were found at Kware, to the illegal abductions, to Trump getting in office and then we ended the year marching for femicide AGAIN where we were met with more violence protesting violence against women. Those were just the highlights of last year, I've not even began the nitty gritty. 2024 was a year and a half for most, especially economically. Times have become really hard for the common mwananchi and as a Gen Z who is just beginning to live her life, it's getting really scary. Lots of businesses closed down last year and very many people were laid off. But that was not the point of me writing this, I digressed. 

In addition to all these outside factors that were impacting my life, personally 2024 was really shitty. I was tried and tested. I feel like I walked through hell. I faced a lot of BS in my life. I had to make some really tough choices that affected my life. Everything I was scared of happening, happened. I started the year off unemployed for the first six months, then I got a job at a very fast paced, draining job. The experience was good and I met some amazing people but the hours were long and the workplace was toxic. It's actually a very well known Call Center that hires young people. I will not be mentioning names. However, I knew I had to quit when I turned to some very bad coping mechanisms that were doing more harm than good. I actually got sick so I decided I'm not dying for a corporation that could care less where even the boss I saw everyday didn't know my name. I stopped writing evidently cause you guys haven't received a blog in like 8 months. Some personal things that I'm still healing from even today happened, I can't write them here because why would I give the world a loaded gun when I know it could be used against me. 

The main thing that bothered me the first half of the year was being unemployed. I had just graduated Uni and now people were looking to me, like what's next? Girl, I didn't know either. The last 6 months  were the shittiest. I moved out from 'home' to facing the world on my own. With no plan, no back up, just me and the Universe. Girl, lemme tell you something, if you live at home do not move out. It's a scam. I definitely paid for it with my mental health and freedom, but if you aren't ready, just be patient. However, I do not regret moving out. As hard as it's been, I'm in a better place because of it. 

The last half of the year, I neglected myself, ignored my needs, indulged in toxic habits and environments, stopped doing the things that genuinely brought a smile on my face. I become this fake version of myself. I forgot all my values and honestly had no moral compass. I had to become her to survive those toxic environments. And than my dad got sick. That's also part reason why I quit that other job. That really rattled me. Seeing the man who had been my hero get sick, there's no feeling to describe it. He's getting better though and we pray for the best. I feel like this is getting too long but you guys get the gist of how bad it was. It felt like one bad thing after another.

I got another job thankfully, I'm still learning the ropes but I'll get there. There are more bad things that happened but they are too personal to tell the world. I'm now on a healing journey but I felt for my first post of 2025, I would be honest and open. This post is too vulnerable for my liking but it's my truth. And just a P.S to anyone who wants to offer me pity or sympathy, I will put you by name in my suicide note😂😆 jk of course but at least I can laugh about it. Anywaayyy.... Happy 2025 guys. To a better year🥂




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